As of this friday past I am an aunt! My sister had a beautiful baby boy, named Jack. Well, his full name is Jack George Liam Herbert... quite a mouthful ne? But it was amazing. He's got dark hair and what everyone has deemed to be slate coloured eyes. When I get some pictures I'll upload for anyone who wishes to see.
I got to see the new family on friday, when my sister was still doped up from the C-section but looking estacitic none the less. Even still, both Meghan and Corey looked like it wasn't real st yet... it's a given considering that Jack was less than 12 hours old.
When I walked in my aunt Janet was holding him and passed him over to me quite quickly... man it's kinda freaky holding a newborn... remember to hold the head! I'm talking to you Chris... remember it!
I want one... just to hold for a while.... yes... hold.... SO CUTE!
That and school starts next week so YEAY!!! Something to do during the day!!! you know, aside from sleeping and staring at the celing....
I reach out my hand
but never sought.
Destroying what should be revered.
Stupid thoughtless girl,
they don't want you.
Delusions you spin
always at the heart
nobody wants you,
you struggle to care.
A thick red line could end
I can't reach out anymore.
Does anybody hear me?
Does anybody care?
Foolish little girl,
I'm really scared right now. But I can't call anyone, I'm sick of interupting people's lives with my fucked up shit that no one wants to fucking hear anymore. But hey, look I'm still doing it. Fucking worthless. Wow I sound like a prima donna. I should just shut up and go away.
I should just go away.
I'm scared. I don't know what I'm feeling but I'm scared. Stupid as it sounds I want to hurt myself, make this inner pain go away. Is that bad? Wanting everything to go away.
And now people will be worried, maybe, and maybe I shouldn't bother them with this, it's all I am afterall I'm told and I'm going to go shut myself up so that I'll stop babbling.
It’s all so confusing to me,
This want, this need.
I want to want to want to need,
I need to want to feel nothing.
Jumbled and tangled within me,
Stretching out to ensnare you
A tangled deadly web
But I can’t stop loving you
Feeling nothing for you.
Stop driving me away,
Stop pulling me close
Just let me be
But don’t stay away
Why can’t you let me be
I don’t care
So easy to look over me isn’t it?
Did you even care or are you like me?
Wanting to love to care
To rend to tear
Away whatever binds us together.
Hold it so close don’t let it go
I love you
I hate you
I feel nothing for you
I feel nothing for me.
Screaming until I bleed
Just like you promised.
I want to purge this
Weakness from me
Please save me!
Why do you forsake me?
I love you
I hate you
I feel nothing for anything anymore.
I want to rend
destroy what binds
me to you
what makes me beautiful
I need permisson
to destroy your canvas
mar with what you
find so ugly.
Beauty in the
Do I have your
Destroy what you see in
Will I be free of
but not yet shattered
you won't let me be
you speak but I
I want to be deaf
free on the brink
Come home to me.
The one bit of whitness
it drives me
I'm never free
let me be
I swear I'll come back
Do I have Permisson?
You canvas can be beautiful
My sister called me this weekend to inform me that she's pregnant! I'm so happy for her and Corey. I had talked with her a couple years ago about having children and she was somewhat worried about her back should she ever decide to have a baby. She also told me that she didn't need to have a baby to be happy, though if she got pregnant she wouldn't mind. So, I'm extremely happy for both her and my brother in law, and at the same time worried about her health. I mean, she's been having surgery since I was a baby and that finally was complted half way through high school. So she'll really have to watch it, go see the doctor often but I think it'll fine.
More when I get home from school!
stoned girl drowns in drink while laying down, friends laugh
j: laughs *always*
a: spelling lessons.
j; the tears. and... the tears.
a: i got yor back like a bullet and u'll pray that i'll miss...
stupid os chit cistum
sexual harrasement... panda.
we kinda stopped, cause we went out for that cigett that one time.
lana's a bitch.... somehow...know... somehow.
i thank you for mkin me feel, make me feel like i wanna keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel.
must have cam..
j: you make me hate YOUU!!!
k: she doesnt like my tiny boobs, and lana said i was fat. tetas yo!~
a: but i'm sitting in a chair!
no one listens to me.
how do u spell listens?
./... *conversations continues for 5 min on the proper spelling of listen*
k: all his tounge listens to meee!!
f: u dont listen to u.
k: i'm talking?
j: drugs are good.
oww. keeel. u.
j: onda ja buckiyan moshtigwan. (ojibway, native lang)
a: WHY ARENT U SPEAKING DUTCH!
horrrup freckin litsa shoit.
i wanna larn lattin
pratta frias? ka?
pratta frias englals dutch... allec chullas.... ka?
frekkin mouff?.... ka?
j: *personal revolation state*
funny,... DOOO ITT!
j: welsh.. awww... ITS DEAD IN ME!!!
j: my dad's sister tammy married my aunt randy, from my dad's side. my dad says she lives in a dream world.
K: i wanna do a pow-wow.
watsherface: gaia hair. i love ur gaiahair.
J: if i think real hard it'll come to me.
A: a brain?
*all* NAUSA HEART BURN INDIGESTION UPSET STOMACH DIRREAAHH!!!
YAY! PEPTO BISMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
f: singing the pepto bismal song is no substitute for actual pepto bismal.
when ur pickin up green shit and u see green shit and u know it's green shit you go SHIT. cause u know it's shit and thats poop.... *dino pee argument*...
A to k: UR FACE IS CRAPPY?!
k to a: well u know wat, i had sex with ur hair last night. that's a torrid affair.. a torrid affair.
F: we're being extrememly rude to the dildo, we're talking about it in the third person. it's name is big red.
baby to not-a-baby- to toddler..
wtf is not-a-baby.? wat kinda bed does not-a-baby sleep in?
k: at least it's not a dime that stuck to my ass this time... u took off ur underware, and a quarter fell out..
WE ARE!@! THE KRUMBLY BITS!
...half dead from starvation..OMG!!! i was watching tvo... SALMON!! do u know?!! how much they MATE?!!!
A;... i.... dont ever... want to be a salmon..
f: *still talking about salmon... and forest.. then... the green shit...*..
*bigger text button*... OOOH NOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
get the mono.
k:'he's touching meeeeeeeeeeeee'
j: SO CAPS.. fuckecd
k: licken meee.. spelllreororro
A:MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA POP ME SODA POP ME.
K; IS THe spninning? leaventt.t Roooooooooom...
damn you kepboard, doodoooom doom doooom dom
'we'r3r peeaking! we're peeking!!!!'
and we dont mean our bresteses
i'll dry ur tears, with mah pants..
after seven fuckni hours you people reaslize i kristen has a dildo (i am not yoooou_) parentisi. end quote.
typing. that's me. typing.
k: dominating.... the conversation.
J: <-------tention whore. correction. attention.
i lova da type.
typing. i'ma tiiiired...
k: jennis pants are trying to seduce me!!!
j: hysterical... ness i cant type you... you suck.
jennis is crying. cryhing... high... so high.
jennis is pennis.
jennis is girl.
k: when you have sex on shrooms its good. ecept when u think ur bf is a demon. like this.
j: so pisseddd..
KJ: fozz.. pants... now
j: eric... oooh erci...
*silent typest looking...&* *all laughs*
R: wtf are we still laughing?
i dont think oif myashelf as R. is rrrr.................
ur pants. in 5 minutes. my toilet is broken. i am sad. yes. you are sad... about... toilet... WOOWAH??!!!!!!!!
shut the face up. PENIS!
l'imparatif... PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! elven!11one!11
one one, oooh winw on 100011110010101001
j: make INNSTYERT KETY happy to care XD
r: you cant hate meeee u are too happah! to keeearrr.
j00 r t3 s3x0rs 1334 sk10rz
....................i wishiwas smrt
u can skool amanda rocks!
ZIIM! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PIGGYSAS! JOHNN!TY
no nmr. cookie. friggle ock
waddi i miss?
R: scrool up?
*deletes self out*
I AM A TYPISET!
why are u shivvering? SHE"S GONNA EATTT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
little long for my taste... little long.
tired to wired..
best i'd do AANDT thing to get rid of my doublwe D's
K<--------------too fucked toi remember her pw./
i'm not good enough for a poster sale. :( too sad..
k:fucku! can i have sex with u now.
j: that would be me.
I fucking hate February.
I hate people who should freaking know better ask me if I'm ok. I'm NOT OK and I don't think I will be for a while.
I'm all over the place. One minute I'm happy the next I want to curl into a ball and just howl out my misery. And misery and any other fucking word you can think of is the one emotion I seem to be landing on quite often now.
I hate this pain. I feel like I'm walking around with a void inside me, with a exteremly thin veil of ice over it. Every so often that breaks and I can't fucking stand it anymore!
I want to be left alone.
I want to be with my friends.
And the thing I hate most is the fact I hate myself. I don't even know if this person is really me or if I got really good a covering up who I truely am.
I hate this. I'm so fucking weak.
Wow, it's been a while since I updated, so Happy New Year to any who still read this that I don't talk to on a regular basis.
It's strange. I think I have my life somewhat planned out, then a simple comment throws that all away. I was talking to my mother tonight (which is, sadly, a rare occurence even though we live together) and she mentioned that she thought it would be good for me to study abroad. For those who don't know my mother, this is about as close to a 'yes we'll plan it out' without her actually saying so. So the tentitive plans that I've laid out might have to change, and dammit maybe not for the better.
I want to move out, but if I can go abroad I would want to. So no moving out for me if that happens. Then I want to go to Japan for a year, then after that possibly go to the UK to get my teacher's certificate (or whatever they call it). 3 years abroad. Not that I would mind that, per se, but what would happen here? I would miss everyone dearly, plus I don't want to leave my mother... but this would be an amazing opportunity.
On a somewhat different note, I must confess to wonder; how does a school get so good a ninja-raping their students? I just noticed today that I'm more behind in my readings than I want to be. Plus the way the school year is laid out is, shall we say, not advantagess to the student. That and my classes are piling the work on me so quickly. Ninja-rapers, the lot of them. The classes themselves are interesting and enjoyable however, the readings are killing me. Serves me right for taking not one, but two anthropology courses at the same time. Pity me, people, pity me. (braces herself for the barrage of rotten foods) Be gentle.
Dammit I'm a whiner. Gotta focus and dammit do I need a drink.
- Music:Armour for Sleep - The Truth About Heaven
And the reason for me to have a moment like this? Well, it's an interesting story. It all started with Sky High, the movie. The only reason I like it is this: Stephan Strait. Holy damn is that boy hot. (nevermind the fact he plays a pyroknetic so ignore the pun DAMMIT!) And I've found out he's coming out in a couple movies, staring in them. *squeal* God I'm pathetic... this might be the booze talking but I can't help it. I'm such a girl and it's sad. But happiness is mine! At some point right?
I love moshing, so much fun.... I wanna do it RIGHT NOW! *eyes rayelyn* CONCERT ME WOMAN!!!!! NOW!
Wow, I'm moodswinging like a middle-aged-going-through-menopause-woman who was already a bitch to begin with. Le sigh.
I have so many hours next week I think I'm gonna explode.... don't know if in a good or bad way yet. Plus is money, neg is the fact that I will have to deal with the general population up do and including Christmas Eve.... upon which I will go insane, kill everyone, drive back to my house using my asscheeks only and use the bones of all that I've killed to build a fort. (bonus points to anyone who understands what I'm referencing.)
*wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* i'm off to MUSIC yes sweet sweet RAGE MUSIC THAT WILL ROCK ME TO SLEEP!
*giggles like a demented pixie on sugar* SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Mood:but times 10
- Music:ill Nino